


The Altar Bed...

by Noir_Dix



Series: Adventures in Furnishings [1]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Blasphemy, Cardi's hair fetish, Caught, F/M, Fibbing, Latin, Mischief, Red couch for fucking, There. Is. No. Excuse., furniture threats, really inappropriate use of a wine bottle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-18 23:16:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20647319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noir_Dix/pseuds/Noir_Dix
Summary: This is shameful.And yes, the title's a reach.*Points*solemn-euphoria's fault!Damn couch pic.With positions.Had to tickle my shoulder-demon's interest, didn't you?





	1. Chapter 1

Dix hummed casually, & sort of drifted down one of the interior halls. She wore a habit, & had actually managed to cover her hair.

Her Cardinal had left, before she started stirring. The poor man was having tea with his mother; going over her plans for world domination.

"...I will never treat you mean  
And I won't cause no kind of scene  
Tell you all the people  
All the places I have been..."

She had a bad habit of spontaneously bursting into song. She was no smol ghoulette, but, she did okay. Basil would fawn on her occasionally, & told her she had a "good" voice.

He especially enjoyed getting her liquored-up enough to sing obscure stuff. Like the old Doors' tune she had just fallen into.

She was at odd ends, with nothing really to do. She had been strictly forbidden to have anything to do with Mary, (he & Basil were going through one of their rough patches...)

(Again.)

She didn't know _what_ she was supposed to do, if she just ran into him.

Run away?

This wasn't a Monty Python movie.

At any rate, she was headed for the library. Maybe she could find a paperback...

A door to one of the interior offices was open; an irate sister was having a time of it.

"It's past sundown. Who on earth delivers at this time of night?"

Dix was intrigued. Had Basil ordered something? He had been lusting after a vintage opium bed. How he would possibly shoe-horn the thing into their quarters was beyond her.

"Ma'am, all I know is that it's a special order for an, umm... Emmereetus Three-"

She snorted. Terzo sounded like a disease. She heard the sister mutter.

"Fine. I'll sign for it. It's the wrong color, though."

"Ma'am, I was just told to deliver the item."

The delivery man bustled out, & Dix peeked around the doorframe. She recognized the sister, in passing.

"Ah, sister-"

Dix looked around. Nope. Just her. She was still getting used to being spotted, on occasion.

"Have you ever heard of furniture being delivered, after nine o'clock at night?"

She came in, & looked at the invoice the sister was brandishing. It had a picture of a rather questionable sofa... Maybe more of a chaise lounge. It was a funky, curvy thing. It screamed outlandish sex acts. It had Terzo written all over it.

Except, it was red...ish.

_Speaking of which._

"Good even-ing, seestors." Basil greeted them, with his odd, lopsided smile. It vanished, when he noticed that her hair was covered. She gave her head a tiny shake.

He was wearing his red dress, tonight. She tried to banish all the naughty thoughts that it conjured.

The grin came back.

"Oh, my." the sister was fanning herself with the invoice. "Good evening _to you_, Cardinal."

He gave a little nod, getting ready to lay on the old-world charm thick.

"Is there a problem?"

"Hmm? Oh, it's just the Third. It seems he's ordered a couch-"

"May I see?" he held her wrist, just to steady the paper. He absentmindedly thumbed her pulse point. Dix worried that the woman might faint. "Ah. Terzo goes out & wins a gramophone, so... now the world runs on his time?"

_So sayeth the long-dead vampire._ she thought, snarkily.

"Not dead." he corrected her. "Enhanced."

"What?" the sister asked.

"Do not worry about it, seester."

Oh, no. She _knew_ that look. He'd gotten a wonderful, awful idea.

"Ma'am, is there a particular place to put this thing?"

The delivery man was back. She guessed they'd gotten the sofa _this_ far.

Basil took the sister's hand in both of his own, conspiratorially.

"Seester, I will show these men to the suite."

"Oh! You don't have to do that, Cardinal-" she was all aflutter.

"I would be glad to." he smiled slyly. "I know _just_ where Terzo would like it."

He turned, in a whirl of scarlet. He beckoned, with an upraised hand, for Dix to follow.

"Who do you think you are?" she grumbled, refusing to follow in his wake.

"Who do you think _you_ are? Covering your hair, like some ignorant peasant."

"It's part of the uniform, Basil."

"A uniform that means nothing to either of us. You are _mine_; my pale, pretty, blonde one. You will not-"

"-cover my hair. I know. I'll go take it off."

"You will not."

"I beg your pardon?"

The poor delivery men. She'd bet they'd have some stories to tell, later.

"You will accompany me to the brat prince's suite, & assist in the christening of this couch."

Christening of-

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, NO.

"Basil, that's just wrong."

_Isn't it? Fuck. I'm getting so hard, just thinking about it-_

He wanted her to "hear" that. God damn, but he had a vivid imaginoodle. She looked, & thankfully, he was wearing his pants under the cassock. The vulgar display was contained.

For now.

He chuckled.

"What if Terzo comes in?" she asked.

"I wish. I think they're in South America."

"South Amer- How did he order a couch?"

"Internet, ma'am." the delivery guy supplied, helpfully.

"I bet he was drunk. I mean, it's _red_."

"It's a vintage item, sir. There were no choices."

"Ah." apparently satisfied, he rested a hand at the small of her back.


	2. Chapter 2

He unlocked the doors, & swung them both open. She thought he was being rather dramatic. They were putting a piece of furniture in, not having a conclave.

"I'll be taking my hair down." she informed him, heading for the bathroom.

"Sì, sì..."

It took him thirty minutes to get the chaise in place. He had them put it so that it faced the courtyard. She waited for them to exit.

"I thought the band was away."

He shrugged.

"Who are you putting a show on, for?"

"Whomsoever wants to watch." he grinned. It was wicked & wrong. He started to unbutton his cassock.

She sighed.

"Go on. Scold me. Get it out of your system."

"No. I'm just considering the options."

He yanked at the collar to her habit. She heard the thin material rip.

"You're mad at the whole outfit?"

"Yesss..." he pulled at the small tear, before rending the garment completely.

She set to work, divesting him of his remaining clothes. He removed his monk-strap shoes, to finish wiggling out of his tight, flared pants. He then made a little side trip, over to the mini-fridge.

"Dix. He's got some sangria in here... _Pomegranate_ sangria."

"You're going to fuck on his new couch, _&_ drink his booze?"

She watched his cock twitch.

Such a responsive thing.

"Not all of it."

He handed her a bottle, then concentrated on her bra. It was a bright red, satin, front closure.

"Hail, satin." he murmured, pressing her breasts together, & nuzzling his manufactured cleavage.

She unscrewed the wine, & took a sip.

"Ooh, sparkly... You couldn't find a glass, you godless savage?"

"Mmm." he was rubbing his cock over her cotton panties, & leaving a sticky trail. "Don't need one."

He was going to pour wine all over her, she realized.

"Mmm-hmm."

What. The. Hell.

She unsnapped her bra, & palmed a cup in her hand. She wrapped the satin around his straining member.

Well. Part of it, at least.

"Ooouhh- Couch."

"Couch?"

He said one thing... but, was thrusting into her hand.

"Yes, couch. Fuck chair, whatever. NOW."

He stepped back from her makeshift grip, & made his way to the couch, sitting in the dip in the middle. He had another bottle of wine, which he unscrewed in preparation.

"Well?" she asked.

"Well?" he repeated.

She shimmied out of her underwear, & decided to drag it out as much as she could. He began to fondle himself.

(She loved to watch him play with himself.)

"I know." he grunted, starting to ooze pre-cum.

"How do you want me?"

He thumbed his slit. He moved, so that a leg was on each side of the narrow chaise.

"Face me."

She sat back against the "taller" end, but, was still basically on top of him.

It was a nice place to be. She mirrored him, with a leg on each side.

"Sì. This is how we will start."

He grabbed his wine bottle, & made good on his idea of drinking it off her.

"No blessings, father?" There was only a small amount of wine left in the bottle. He had spread her legs a bit, & was gently probing her with it. "I'm such a filthy sinner."

"Mmm. And I thank Satan, every night."

She gasped, as he pressed the mouth of the bottle to her entrance. Then, he removed it, pouring some on his fingers, & making an upside-down cross on her abdomen.

"Go, my child, & sin much more."

He lapped at his impromptu artwork, before dribbling what was left between her legs & going at it voraciously.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh God, Basil... _Please_."

He kissed her, fingers feathering her jawline. He tasted of wine. And pomegranates. And _her_.

"Yesss, beg for it, my little one..."

He positioned himself, teasing her ruthlessly with the tip of his cock.

"Hoc tibi vis? Vos vis me in medio vestrum?"

Holy...

That was _Latin_.

She scrambled to remember the odd bits he'd taught her, over the years.

"You _know_ what I'm saying." he whispered, nipping at her earlobe.

"Just FUCK ME, Basil."

"Sic amica mea. Since you ask so _nicely_." he chuckled, slowly guiding himself into her. He leaned back, eyes half-lidded.

"It tickles internally..." she moaned, lightly clawing her own skin, starting at her neck.

"I see nothing wrong with that." he watched her cup her breasts. He began lightly thrusting to match her.

"Perfectum: perfectum..." he kept watching, avidly. "I'm _so_ taking this couch."

"Where would you put it?"

"I'll find some place." he squeezed her thighs. "I'm gonna come. _I'm gonna cummm-_"

"Facite. Fill me with your daemon seed."

"Oh, _holy Mary on a cross_." he lunged forward, grabbing her ass.

_Come with me._

A short while later, he was laying with his head on her chest. She idly played with his hair.

She could've _sworn_ she'd heard a muffled, "Whoo!" earlier... From outside.

A peeping ghoul? Ah, well.

"Let's go take a bath."

"Mmkay."

"C'mon, little devil."

"'kay."

"Basil, let me up. I'll go start drawing the water-" she shifted.

"No!" he managed to cling to her, fiercely. "Don't leave me."

She sighed. He had his moments. Silly, but cute, moments.

A door to the suite suddenly banged open.

"What the-? Oh, what the unholy fuck-"

_Why was she not surprised?_

"Hey, Terzo."

"_Dix_? Ugh. That- That's my chaise longue."

"It's red."

"I don't care if it's polka dot! Did he fuck you on my couch?"

"Yup."

"Ew. There's rat jizz on my couch?"

"I don't know about that. There's plenty of magic potion niveous, though."

"I'll have to burn it."

"That would be a shame, Terzo. Put it in storage. We'll take it, if we ever have more space."

"I would rather burn it."

"I heard you were in South America."

"South Am- Alpha, Omega & I went to a Brazilian steakhouse!"

Basil giggled against her. 

She rolled her eyes. He thought he was _so_ clever...

"Go draw the bath, baby doll. I'll talk to him."

"What? No." Terzo was indignant. "There are very serious things wrong with you... _Both_ of you."

Dix went & got a roll of toilet paper.

"Fratello, mi hai fatto male." 

He sat back in the dip, & started to blot with the toilet paper. He grinned at her light scratches in the vinyl. Surprisingly, he hadn't spilled any wine.

Which could be why he was very slightly drunk.

"You're right, by the way... I put a lot of time & effort into ruining her. She's my pride & joy."

"I really, sincerely, despise you."

"Bath's ready-" she called.

"Not _really_. Look, I'll get you another fuck chair."

Terzo folded his arms.

"In purple."

"With gold?"

"With gold, you ridiculous pimp."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DK: Initial post. Terzo? Idea. Wine stains.  
KB: "Fuck chair."  
SR: "Mary on a Cross" references.
> 
> Your Cardinal thanks you.
> 
> Keebie: Dew *might* be up a small tree in the courtyard...
> 
> This takes place before Copia comes to power, obviously.
> 
> Can the couch be saved?
> 
> Tell me what y'all think.  
I obviously have a furniture problem.


End file.
